1. |
Candyass
03:46
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Candyass
Going through life, never got the chance
For a better life, for a crippled little boy
He went to the store for a package of snowballs
He gave the man a "fiver", he got no change (no fuckin' change)
Not man enough to stand up to the lowly cashier
Candyass Candyass
He needed a place to park his specialized van
The handicapped spot was not for the taking
The last spot was filled by some preppy fuck
Driving a Camaro with flames on the side
An artificial hood scoop, with dual exhaust
Complete with a spoiler, point is, the spot was lost
Candyass, Candyass
"Excuse me, I believe this spot's reserved for the handicapped?"
"Fuck you, Candyass"
He's had it up to here (where?) here,
He's not taking it no more
He's sick of all the bullshit, as we've said before
Here he comes and he ain't smilin' (no, no, no, no,)
Matter of fact, he's pissed
He's startin' back at square one,
Catchin' up on what he's missed
Candyass, Candyass
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2. |
Same Ol' Same Ol'
01:50
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Same Ol', Same Ol'
He said let's go to the all-ages show
I was tired and didn't wanna go
On the way we grabbed a bite to eat
Wish I'd stayed at home asleep
When we got to the show
There were people "moshin'" on the floor
I wanted to turn around and go
He didn't like my idea
Went up to the bar and got a beer
Ran into dicks I used to know
They were all actin' like my friends,
but they never used to like me
we went inside and watched the band
They all had bright colored hair
They were pretty good, but too serious
I think they should lighten up
We never have any fun here,
But I know we'll probably come back here
We never have any fun here,
But I know we'll be back next week
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3. |
Five Finger Discount
02:02
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Five Finger Discount
You see something that you have to get
but you don't have the money to buy it
pick it up and stuff it in your pocket
you know you shouldn't be stealin'
but you can't control the feelin'
watch out for the cameras in the ceiling
it's called the five finger discount
"sticky fingers" is what they call you
just grab it and walk out
they ain't never gonna catch you
you're sittin' at home when you get the call
your friend want you to go to the mall
and get him a CD of Pink Floyd "The Wall"
friend, he waits out in the car
you didn't think it'd be so hard
then you came out runnin' followed by a guard (followed by the guard)
it's called the five finger discount
"kleptomaniac" is what they call you
just grab it and walk out
they ain't never gonna catch you
you jump into the passenger seat
you think for sure that you're dead meat
and then your friend runs over the guard's feet
guard begins to scream and shout
your friend's gonna tell everyone about
the king of the five finger discount
it's called the five finger discount
"fuckin' thief" is what they call you
just grab it and walk out
they ain't never gonna catch you
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4. |
Capless Milkjug
01:49
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Capless Milkjug
Up in the morning, went to your fridge
No cap on your milk
Don't you know it shouldn't have to be that hard
Puttin' the lid on your milk
Poured a glass of your milk
tastes like everything in you fridge
Don't you understand, it doesn't have to taste that way?
What was I to do?
Capless Milkjug
Capless Milkjug
Capless Milkjug (talkin' 'bout the capless milkjug)
Capless Milkjug
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5. |
A&W (Down Again)
02:12
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A&W (Down Again)
We buckled in, put the pedal to the floor
A&W, pushed our way into the door
I looked at you, that's right I saw you there
Lookin' oh, so cute with Ron Fontanini
Letterman jacket on, from Rydell High
And there I stood with my mouth open wide
I picked a fight with Ron Fontanini
he was obliged, made me part of the scenery
I said, "C'mon boys!", as I was pickin' up my teeth
Let's buy a case, and go drink on Gilbert Street
"Did he just give me the fingeroo?, I think he is."
About 1AM, and I wasn't thinkin' straight
I had Skip and Keith drop me off at her place
I yelled up at her room, which turned out to be her dad's
He showed up at the porch, and he was pipin' mad
he said, "GO AWAY, before I call the cops!"
Nothin' I could do, nothin' I could do
I'm down again (drunk and on the floor)
I'm down again (now I'm passed out at your door)
I'm down again
I'm down again
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6. |
Fucknut
01:28
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Fucknut
Everyone thinks that you're a fucking dipshit
Everyone thinks that you're a lazy burnout
If you thing you're band is the shit,
Then how come you're always bitchin'
'bout the turn out
You should really get a clue
Why is it that you're always bitching
that you ain't got no friends
Is it because you put everyone down
That no one wants you around
You don't even have a clue
Fucknut
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7. |
Sadie Hawkin's Dance
02:21
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Sadie Hawkin's Dance
Growing up I learned to fear the Sadie Hawkin's Dance
What if no one decided to ask me out
When I went to school that day, I wore my best brown pants
Then walkin' down that hall, I couldn't believe my eyes
Pretty little thing in a nice white dress
Sixteen year old wet dream, I must confess
My whole life changed from that day on
Sure glad I had my tuff-skins on
Hope I get my chance to go to the Sadie Hawkin's Dance
When I walked up to that girl, that day in the hall
Just how to get her to ask me, I didn't know at all
Then right there I froze, backed against the wall
Pretty sure I blew it, the final curtain call
Then she whispered in my ear,
Just those words I wanted to hear
My whole life changed on that day
When I heard her say
Would you like the chance to go with me to the Sadie Hawkins Dance
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8. |
Bad Timing
02:20
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Bad Timing
Why do you always call me at 3 a.m.
When I'm trying to sleep, you're drunk again
You've been out with your girlfriends, probably getting laid
If I had me the money, I'd get you spayed
You came to work on Monday, you were hanging around
On the day the district manager happened to be in town
And I got a lecture on customer service
It seems like this always happens, do you do this on purpose?
You've got such bad timing
(You've got such bad timing)
Not right now-not when I'm sleeping
Not right now-not when I'm working
Not right now-not when I'm sleeping
Not right now-not when I'm driving
And so we were driving in my Granada
Just then you reached over and put your hand right on it
Kinda took me by surprise and I hit the gas
Drove into a hydrant, and now I'm wearing a cast
You've got such bad timing
(You've got such bad timing)
Not right now-not when I'm sleeping
Not right now-not when I'm working
Not right now-not when I'm sleeping
Not right now-not when I'm driving
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9. |
Kegger
02:10
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Kegger
Pulled on my shit-kickers
I'm goin' to the kegger
All my friends will be there
Out in the middle of nowhere
Hopped in my F150
Chugging down a 40
Mmmm, barely legal high schoolers
Drunk on wine coolers
Doin' 65 on the gravel
Sometimes seems like the best way to travel
Now I'm kickin' up turtles, rabbits and squirrels
Thinking of taking advantage of 14 year old girls
"I'm getting closer to the kegger!"
Just where was I going
None of this looks familiar
Must have been daydreaming
Whoa! there's a tractor
Where did that farmer come from?
Don't think I can get around him
Looks like I am gonna die
Doin' 65 on the gravel
Used to seem like the best way to travel
Now there's no more turtles, rabbits or squirrels
No more beer, man, no more 14 year old girls
"No more beer?"
"Nope, no more beer."
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10. |
Aqua-Velva Man
01:03
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Aqua-Velva Man
It could be your father, it could be your dad
It could be the best friend that you ever had
It could be your brother, or the guy your sister
Ditched at the prom
But when he gets up in your face (in your face)
Right then you know she'll understand
That nobody can replace her ice-blue Aqua-Velva man
her ice-blue Aqua-Velva man
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11. |
Hit And Run
01:45
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Hit And Run
Driving down the street in my car
The light up ahead was red
Sitting there waiting for the light to change
When I felt a huge jolt from behind
Took a second to realize what was going on
Took a second before the guy was go
It was a hit and run
smashed my car and drove away
It was a hit and run
Gonna catch that son of a bitch someday
Hit and run
So I jumped out of my car
Wanted to look at the damage done
As he drove away, you know, I couldn't see his plates
I called the cops, but it was too damn late
Took the cops so long to get there
That son of a bitch could've gotten to who knows where
It was a hit and run
smashed my car and drove away
It was a hit and run
Gonna catch that son of a bitch someday
Hit and run
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12. |
Revelation From Ozzy
01:45
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Revelation From Ozzy
Sitting in my room, looking for something to do
Called you on the phone, didn't know if you were home
After about ten rings I noticed you weren't answering
So I put on my shoes, and my jacket too
I got in my car, I'm coming looking for you
Didn't know at first, just what I was doing
I was singin' with Ozzy, I'm finished with my woman
What was I doing?
What did I think I'd find
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13. |
Stealing Stuff From Work
02:10
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Stealing Stuff From Work
As another week goes by
And I find I'm running short on supplies
You can find the everyday necessities
Like medicine and toiletries
at the places you work
You can get notebooks, you can get pens
You can steal anything, it just depends
On if you're sneaky, and you're sly
You can steal anything to get by
You can eat somebody's pizza
That they have left behind
Or if you're lucky, you might find someone's flat soda
Or a half-eaten bag of pork rinds
But if they catch you, you'd better think fast
Cause you'll need a story to save your ass
But you'd better be careful and not get caught
'Cause if you do, then your boss'll be pissed off
Stealing stuff from work
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14. |
Zombie Movies
02:19
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Zombie Movies
Last time I took you to a movie, you threw up
Running out into the lobby
Within the first fifteen minutes
As I was ushed out through the front door
I asked for a refund please
Zombie movies make you sick
I had some good friends over for a movie and some brew
Watching the Lucio Fulci classic, "The Dead Are Among Us: Zombie 2"
Mom sent you up with a bowl of popcorn and you'd just walked through the door
During the scene with the punctured eyeball
And you threw up on the floor
Zombie movies make you sick
I can't take you anywhere
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15. |
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none
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Going to Grandma's Des Moines, Iowa
Formed in the mid 90's, Going to Grandma's play punk rock songs that are catchy and funny.
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